The Road to Damnation
by nodsri
Summary: Alone, friendless and imprisoned, Ritsuko Akagi plots revenge...
1. Damnation

"I ask you again. Why?!" Gendo asked, rage causing his voice to tremble slightly.

"Because it's useless. Even when I'm with you your heart is elsewhere. You care only for that damnable dummy. You are afraid of loving anyone that can love you back." Ritsuko answered, her head bowed, staring blankly at the floor.

Gendo's shadow blocked the light from the other side of the door. An outline of his head loomed over Ritsuko's own head. He stood silently, glaring at her behind the tinted glasses.

"I see you're still here." Ritsuko continued flatly, her tone dead and uncaring.

"Are you unsatisfied with my answers?" she asked.

Gendo slammed the door shut. Normally slamming shut a three inch thick steel door was a task of considerable strength, but now, the door shut itself with a clang, which echoed through the dark cell where Ritsuko sat, masking the sound of Gendo angrily walking away.

NEON

GENESIS

EVANGELION

Damnation 

The footsteps eventually faded away in the distance, and Ritsuko was left alone again. It would be some time before the guard came by with food. Time, something she had too much of now. Something she could no longer measure. There are 24 hours to the day. She was fed three times a day. That means that every time a plate of lukewarm rice and fried fishcakes was given to her, eight hours had passed. Totalling them, it would mean that she had been here twelve days. Or was is twenty four days? Perhaps it was sixteen days, accounting for the times she had felt too tired to wait for food, and had fallen asleep instead, only to miss her miserable meal?

So much time alone. Ritsuko gazed blankly at the infinite blackness of her jail cell. Her mind, the same award-winning, super genius mind that was her one true friend now worked against her, summoning memories that consume her waking thoughts.

When they built this place, her mother designed this cell to inflict as much psychological trauma on its occupant as possible. The light source was hidden away in the ceiling, and the light was dimmed, allowing her to see her hand in front of her, the outline hard cot where she slept, and door frame. The light was too dim to allow her to read, which infuriated her no end. The sink, her only source of clean water, was also designed to drip, the constant dripping of water onto the aluminium sink a psychological tool designed to break the will of the occupant. There was a one way peephole on the door, enabling anonymous jailers to peek in on her at any time, which she was sure they often did.

There was mold and other fungi in the cell too, Ritsuko knew. Even though invisible to the naked eye, even the mold under the sink was carefully cultured and cultivated for its barely noticeable hallucinogenic properties. She knew all this, and the knowledge was the biggest torture of all.

Ritsuko sighed, standing up to take off her white coat. She neatly folded the heavy lab coat in half, placing in on her lap as she sat down on her cot. She stared off into the distance for a few seconds before resignedly lowering her head, staring at the white lab coat in her lap.

In the cell, it was all too easy to lose track of time. Ritsuko's mind began to wander into the past, to the day she got her first ever lab coat.

It was an unusually cool day in Tokyo 02, the day that Ritsuko registered as a freshman in the University after passing her entrance exam at the tender age of 18. Her mother, Naoko, was there to send her off, and set down the last of Ritsuko's heavy bags.

"I think that's all of them," Naoko said, smiling. "So I guess the only thing left to do…."

"Oh, mother!" Ritsuko playfully protested, her hand brushing back a lock of brown-black hair that strayed into her eyes. "Leaving so soon?"

"You know I have to. Gehirn needs me to build that supercomputer." Naoko replied, kneeling down, searching for something as Ritsuko looked on, puzzled. "Ah, here it is!" Naoko exclaimed happily as she found a large plastic bag on the floor of Ritsuko's new dorm room. She rummaged in it briefly before producing it.

Ritsuko Akagi's first ever lab coat.

"There we are!" Naoko said happily as she unfolded the garment. "A Biology student like yourself should get the most comfortable lab coat money can buy," Naoko said as she took Ritsuko's hand and started to feed her daughter's arm into the long sleeve. Ritsuko took the hint and quickly dressed herself in it.

The lab coat was thick and it felt warm. The coat ended somewhere below her knees, which covered more leg than the short skirt Ritsuko had on.

"There we go! Oh, don't you look so cute," Naoko said, smiling as Ritsuko twirled around, showing off.

"Well, I have to go now, I can't let that woman Yui take over everything when I'm gone," Naoko said as she turned and started walking out the door.

"Mother!" Ritsuko called out. Naoko turned slightly, one foot out of the door.

"I was hoping we could have some coffee in the canteen or something, you know, celebrate?" Ritsuko plaintively asked.

"Sorry dear, things are very busy right now. Like I said, if I don't take care of things…"

"Oh," Ritsuko said, dismayed.

"Besides, you're a double major in Biology and Computer Science. If I were you I'd use every available second to study!" Naoko said as she stepped out the door and made a brisk walk back to her car.

"Yeah, we'll do it when we have time!" Ritsuko called out, somewhat desperately, to her mother's rapidly retreating form.

A single tear fell from Ritsuko's eyes, landing on her lap, breaking her out of her reverie and reminding her of the miserable present.

"Hey mom," Ritsuko said slowly, biting her lip in an attempt to control her feelings, "What about that drink, huh? You're dead, and I might as well be. We have all the time in the world," Ritsuko laughed a little at her own words.

Time passed. 

Tap.

Tap tap.

Ritsuko drew her hands to her face trying to get the sleep out of her eyes so she could see where that annoying sound was coming from. The doctor slowly sat up and looked around, which was perhaps futile, in the darkened cell. 

Hearing nor seeing anything, she tried to her best to get back to sleep. Besides it was the best thing to do here... thinking would just make it worse.

Tap tap.

Tap.

Not a moment after she closed her weary eyes to fall back into the dreams and nightmares she always had, the tapping begun once more.

"Dr. Akagi? Are you awake?" the soft but determined voice of a young man roused her from her cot, without thinking she answered with a nod.

Quickly realising her mistake she corrected herself, "Yes... I'm awake." she quietly replied, wondering who it was.

"Maya wanted... to ask how you were doing?" he asked while Ritsuko sat on the cot trying to tune out the dripping water.

It was always small talk.

"I'm fine. Tell her not to worry."

Makoto to a step backwards stretching his head, he guess he underestimated her, "Um... she wanted you to have this..."

A hand came through the slit in her door, but because of the dim light it was hard to make out what he was holding...

She stood up and walked over carefully took the gift he offered.

It was a honey bun. The ones that Maya always brought during break.

Seconds after she got the snack, Makoto stated to walk off being careful to get caught being down here.

"Thank you."

He almost tripped, not once could he remember a kind word coming from her mouth directed towards him... or anyone, "Your welcome..."

As she noted before, the room was made to break the sanity of anyone imprisoned within it.

The bare black walls bland without life, except the NERV logo on wall facing her... a constant reminder that she was trapped here.

The dripping was made to annoy her, to make her weak because it was nothing she could do about it...

Being bored was once thing, but being forced to think was another...

She sat back down and took a bite out of the honey bun.

Ritsuko laughed a bit when she discovered that it was warm, causing her to remember the way in which Maya would always set the microwave to same number every single time.

She soon stopped laughing as she took another bit out of the honey bun, a blatant contrast to the cold chill of her surroundings. 

She quickly finished up the honey bun and rested her head on the pillow made of her own coat. She decided to wait for her meal this time around... no use trying to fake bravado by refusing to eat and end up dying in a lonely cell.

So she got into a comfortable position, in the darkness awaiting the endless thoughts that were bound to come and also plotting her revenge...

Time passed. 

She looked at the bland food with unconcealed disgust.

The mashed potatoes and cow tongue looked... plain, like the cook just threw it on the tray and told them to send it down. 

Ritsuko, hated to think about it this way, but she could see she was becoming a little paranoid. She wanted to inspect her food to make sure it was up to her standards... but the dim light made that almost impossible.

She wanted to just to take a nap and make sure that a guard wasn't looking at her every six minutes, but if the food went uneaten now, they would just take it away from her when she slept. 

There was no choice in the matter, she told herself. 

Ritsuko picked up the plastic cup and slowly let the water run down her throat.

Yes, she ate just enough to keep her alive, but she eagerly drank the water that came with it. Although it always tasted of metal and mud, it was always better than eating... unknown things.

She poked at the mashed potatoes with the spork she held, "This is probably his way of slowly trying to torture me." She didn't want to know if that crunch came from the potatoes or the cup, 

Ritsuko can remember times she went without food before, and this wasn't even one of the worst. One time she was looking over Dr. Ikari's reports and...

She paused.

Dr. Ikari. Ikari Yui. Creator of the Evangelions. 

"Would it be like this if she never existed?" She asked the empty room.

The Angels would have came even if the Evangelion Units were created or not. Gendo probably would have still been the commander... it probably would have been her mother who headed the Evangelion project first. 

Her mother probably would have been much more... She wouldn't have had to spend her career under the shadow of the Ikari woman. She wouldn't have been so bitter. She wouldn't have been driven to become the Naoko Akagi that Ritsuko remembered. 

It wasn't like she hated Yui, it was just, even if she kept lying to herself trying to say that it wasn't true, was a bit jealous...

Ritsuko pushed the long forgotten food to the side and laid down, "What did she see in him? What did he do to make her fall for him?"

So many questions... most of which would never be answered...

"But isn't that the reason that humans are just humans, because of unanswered questions..." Naoko said once. 

She remembered that lunchtime conversation well, not because it was her first day as a full fledged employee, but because of the seeming nonsense that was said that day. 

"We have to rely on each other because we don't have the strength or knowledge to be completely independent, thus we are not perfect beings." Ritsuko remembered Fuyutsuki saying this back in the Gehirn days, when he was explaining to her the nature of Gehirn, the Evangelions, and the coming return of the Angels. 

"It will always be a question that can't be answered by one, but another, and it will always be something that one knows and another doesn't." Gendo continued.

Now, too late, it began to make sense. Gendo relied on her. And now he no longer did so. Therefore, she was put here. Ritsuko turned on her side to face the wall, "Are we close to perfection... or far from it?" She once again asked no one but herself.

She blinked as she recalled a few of the events that have long since passed.

"Yes... so far away." she said aloud as she closed her eyes to fall into, hopefully, a peaceful sleep.

***********

Ritsuko lay still on the cot, an arm carelessly draped around her eyes, her mind trying to free itself from the dreary hell that she was trapped in. She was trying her hardest to sleep and seek solace in dreams but she kept getting startled into wakefulness by the heavy thuds of her jailer's boots.

The rude interruptions to her slumber came at random intervals. Sometimes she can just feel herself drifting off to sleep before the sound caused her to wake. Sometimes she swore she was dreaming before she lurched into wakefulness, her peace destroyed by the footsteps on the other side. She has totally lost track of time, having no idea how long she had her fitful sleep.

Time. Ritsuko groaned softly, cursing herself softly for not asking Makoto the time. A tiny detail, so easily ignored now. The details that make the web of lies and deceit she lived in for so many years.

The first lie was taught by none other than her mother.

"The commander? He's an okay person, really, back in the days before Yui died," Naoko said. Ritsuko's mother was literally inside the MAGI, running diagnostic tests on several core memory relays. Ritsuko sat outside the open maintenance hatch, peering curiously into the darkened supercomputer. Dancing shadows lit by the eerie glow of LEDs outlined her mother's figure.

"So, you know him well, mother?" Ritsuko asked nonchalantly.

There was a brief pause before Naoko answered.

"No. The commander keeps to himself most of the time. There's Fuyutsuki, of course. But they've known each other long before anyone else here in Gehirn." Naoko answered.

"Even Yui, is that true?" Ritsuko asked.

There was no reply. Several seconds passed before Naoko spoke again, her voice now all business.

"Pass me the number five wrench," she said, her voice sounding distant and metallic from somewhere inside the MAGI.

Ritsuko fumbled around on hands and knees, searching for the tool. She found it, and thrust her arm into the maintenance panel as far as it could go. She had to stay outside for safety reasons, so she held the wrench in her hand, waiting for her mother to crawl out to her and take it.

She heard some shuffling noises and she quickly felt her mother's cold hands brushing against her fingers as she took the tool away.

"Mother," Ritsuko said, her voice raised slightly.

Naoko stopped crawling, and looked back over her shoulder to see her daughter's worried expression. Thinking nothing of it, she shrugged and started to crawl deeper into the MAGI. 

"So you're saying you don't know him all that well?" Ritsuko asked. There was a strange quaver in her voice.

"Not really," Naoko said, already being distracted by the wires and circuits and connectors. "You sound tired. Get somebody to take over and get some rest," she said, tiredness creeping into her own voice.

Ritsuko stood up and waved at a nearby technician. She pointed a long, thin finger at the opened maintenance hatch. The man nodded an acknowledgement and hurriedly walked over to replace Ritsuko.

"So, mother," Ritsuko thought as she made her way out of the vast room that housed the MAGI, "you're in the habit of kissing strangers now."

Five years after that conversation Ritsuko found herself in bed with that very same stranger.

********

It was a beautiful day.

It seemed like the sunlight parted the clouds just enough for the golden light to shine on the side of her face as they drove towards Nerv, "Mother, when was the last time you seen a rainbow?" Ritsuko asked as she rested her chin on her hand admiring the blue sky and puffy, white clouds above them.

The woman eased her foot down on the brake causing the car to stop at a red light, "I don't remember the last time I really looked at the sky Ritsuko, sometimes in order to get things done people have to miss out on the small things."

"Oh."

Ritsuko watched as her attempt at starting an conversation failed, as once again silenced filled the vehicle as they continued the drive towards Nerv.

Since the second Dr. Akagi seen her daughter's hair it was like she didn't want to speak to her, but had to only because she was her child...

I just did it because I thought I'll look better with being blond, She thought as the clouds began to cover up the sun once more, I didn't mean to hurt feelings or anything...

But she felt like she was lying to herself. All she was going to do was just change the color of her hair, but it felt much deeper than that.

It felt like she was driving another wedge between her and her mother.

"Ritsuko," Naoko said suddenly causing the younger woman to snap out of her line of though, "Remember to pick me up at 1 a.m." she said dryly leaving now traces of any goodbyes or see you laters.

"Mother!" The younger of the two called out to the other.

Ritsuko got out of the car and picked up her pace to catch her mother, "I said I'm sorry, I didn't do it because I didn't want to be like you. I just thought it'll look better that's all. If you want me to wash-"

"You shouldn't want to be like me... Do you know where you father is? Do you know why the rest of the family never comes to vist?" The normally calm Naoko asked in rapid sucession not giving her daughter the chance to answer, "You should try to be like yourself Ritsuko, I want to see you have a husband. I want to see you smile some more, I really want you to have all those things."

"Mother..." she said softly, is shocked her to even see her mother act like this, much less say those words.

"It has nothing to do with your hair, I don't mind you being different at all..." She brought her wrist up to look at her watch, "I have to go, I'll talk to you later."

She lied... every parent wants or should want the best for their child, but in spite of that fact she wanted her child to want to be like her.

Anybody could say "I love you" or "You're my hero", but it only counts when it doesn't need to be said, it is only when you can actually feel it that it is a true bond between two people.

But as her mother walked off, Naoko knew that it was likely that she would hear neither one of those simple statements, but it never hurt to hear one.

As Ritsuko entered the car for some reason she noticed that the rainbow disappeared and only dark clouds remained...

It rained later that day.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ritsuko sighed as she sluggishly dragged her body into a sitting position. She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, as the insistent dripping of the sink gradually became more and more audible.

She groaned softly. Another replayed memory. The memories keep coming back whenever she closed her eyes, haunting, taunting, cursing her.

Ritsuko blinked a few times, stretching her arms and legs.

She carelessly scratched her head. It must have been two weeks now that her hair went unwashed, and the itching was starting to annoy her. In her frenzied attempts to alleviate the irritation, several clumps of blonde hair came loose in her hands.

Ritsuko stopped, feeling the soft fallen hair, rubbing it between her fingers. She can hardly see it, but she knew the roots must be showing by now.

"Damn you, mother," she cursed bitterly, imagining the tell-tale dark brown hair that must be visible on her head now.

Ritsuko slowly walked to the sink, and turned the water on. She splashed the cold water repeatedly onto her face, letting the shock bring her into full wakefulness.

This time, she didn't bother turning off the tap. It would just drip anyway. Instead she let the water run, the irritating dripping now changed into the smooth babbling of running water.

"Much better," Ritsuko quietly muttered to herself. The incessant torturous sound was replaced with soothing calm. Ritsuko had just outsmarted her mother. Yet again in a long string of successes.

So easily, Ritsuko thought bitterly. So easily outsmarted. An unfortunate trait of the Akagi bloodline that she had inherited.

Ritsuko walked to her cot and sat down, her head lowered, her hands covering her face.

Another memory came to her unbidden.

She remembered the funeral. She remembered standing on beside the cross-shaped headstone. She remembered the way, when everyone, even Misato had left, she had stood there alone.

And she kicked her mother's headstone contemptuously.

Mother thought she was so smart.

Mother thought that sabotaging the Eva would result in having Gendo all to herself.

"This is my definition of happiness, mother," Ritsuko said with a sneer as she kicked another clump of earth at the headstone, not caring that the sticky soft mud clung to her pumps, and seeped through her pantyhose to stain her pale skin.

There was no way Mother could have known that Yui Ikari wasn't the only competition she had for Gendo's heart. Mother worked foolishly on the MAGI - a soulless thing, while Ritsuko worked her way to Gendo through the surest possible means.

Ayanami Rei.


	2. Redemption

  


Ayanami Rei indeed....

A human was a strange thing. A DNA code made up of four nucleotides arranged in a certain order would create a human...a woman. But the soul, that was the key. Ritsuko smirked. Soul...did Rei even have something called that? After all, to create Rei, an artificial body wasn't created. An artificial soul was the real design.

The Magi was a project which transferred the thoughts and emotions of a certain Naoko Akagi into three brains which formed the core of the most powerful processing supercomputer in existence.

And while mother was busy making a computer...Ritsuko had her own designs as well.

If the Magi was Naoko's brainchild...then Rei was probably Ritsuko's.

It was originally Gendo's idea. At first Ritsuko wasn't interested in the project...simple human cloning had been done before but had been deemed a failure. But then came the clincher: How about cloning a soul?

Was such a thing even possible?

The body of Rei was just a container. A dummy plug. It could move, breathe, eat, and react to natural stimuli. But how about feelings...emotion...hate...and quite possibly even love?

At that thought, Ritsuko laughed as the sound of her harsh voice echoed across the dank walls. Emotions indeed. No...Rei was a failure at that point. She was a doll. Something barely above a dummy plug itself.

But that was what Gendo wanted.

So she obeyed like the good little woman that she so badly wanted to be for him. And she initiated Creation. 

"Does Naoko know about this?" Gendo asked her, his voice as usual, a low grating rumble, but there was urgency there. There was always urgency when it came to the Rei project.

"...No."

Gendo nodded at her. "Keep it that way Ritsuko."

In front of them, floating in LCL was a small girl with blue hair and a strikingly familiar face. Gendo had insisted his wife's DNA be used. Ritsuko wasn't too surprised. His obsession however, almost bordered on necrophilia. Yui Ikari...

Ritsuko grimaced. By God, that face was disgusting. It was beautiful...classically Japanese in every essence of the word. But it roiled something in her gut and made her almost want to vomit. But not here. Not in front of Gendo.

"Does she have a soul?"

"No. She's just a container."

"What do we need?"

"...Human DNA is incompatible. We need a primer...a catalyst. God created man from dirt and breathed life into him."

"Adam then?"

"....This is a woman."

Gendo's eyes tightened. "You ask for much Ritsuko."

"There is no other way. To complete a soul, we need the first woman's DNA. We need Lillith's DNA."

That was the secret. Adam and Lillith were the first creations to receive the breath of life from God. Eve came from Adam. Her life came from a human...not from a God.

Humans were children of Eve. They did not have that key divinity.

Thus it all came to pass...

Yui Ikari's DNA was mixed with Lillith's DNA to create the perfect soul for a doll designated Ayanami Rei...

Well...all but one thing.

And thus it came to pass that she created an Abomination. 

The DNA code would work. This was it...a recreation of the creation of man. Ritsuko's eyes tightened as she scanned the chain sample in the microscope. Reaching down to remove the slide, she gasped softly as her thumb gashed against the harsh edge of the glass.

Holding the wound up to the light, a small pearl of blood...her blood reflected off deep vermilion.

Her breath caught.

Slowly...almost unbelieving, she gazed at it. Sliding off the curve of her finger, the drop fell and splashed against the glass slide on the microscope, mixing with the contents held within.

Gendo's harsh voice broke through her reverie as his footsteps reverberated through the sterile lab wall. "Is the sample ready?"

"...."

"Ritsuko?"

"Y...Yes...." Turning around, Ritsuko quickly slid the glass slide into the sample bag. "Yes, the sample is ready."

It worked. Worked beautifully...as if Fate had been waiting for her. Her blood had miraculously blended in with the others...as if it had been a part of it to begin with. Ritsuko stared at her thumb...no scar remained but it was their in her soul...

Or more accurately, Ayanami's soul.

What did that mean then?

And thus...

The girl opened her eyes and gazed through the glass pane. Ritsuko knew Gendo wasn't looking at her...already his eyes were glued to the creation...his word made flesh.

He whispered, "It's perfect."

Stuffing her hand deep into her pocket, Ritsuko swallowed the lump in her throat.

No answer came...

But it was there.

***********

They called Ritsuko Akagi a genius. 

The smart one. The shining talent. The one who will create a way to defeat the Angels. 

Instead, what she created was for all intents and purposes, an Angel. For that alone, she deserved to be thrown somewhere dark, and the key thrown away. 

Ritsuko sat on her cold hard cot, stretching her arms and legs. Some physical activity helped to pass the time in her holding cell. Plus they helped to keep the memories away. 

Trapped as she was, the memories of her past sins were her worst enemy. For now she was alone, with no distractions. No Maya to remind her of the Children's sync testing. No Misato to argue with over the best methods of raising teenage children. No Gendo to hold her in the dark, to assure her that they won't get caught, and that when it was all said and done, they will both share Heaven itself. 

Ritsuko clenched her fists. Gendo. That bastard Gendo. The man she had entrusted with her heart and soul. 

Her ungrateful lover. 

He had put her here to rot, as he feverishly began preparations against the Final Angel. After the Seventeenth had been defeated, it would finally prove to God that Man was His equal, and deserved his own place in the firmament. The destruction of the Final Angel would open the way to the Third Impact. 

And amidst the Third Impact, Gendo and Ritsuko will ascend to divinity. That was the plan she had sold her soul to be a part of. 

The appointment with divinity now belonged to Gendo alone. Ritsuko had been cruelly cut out of the grand design. No longer was she destined to be as one with God, instead, she was cursed to rot here until the Third Impact started. 

The promised day when Rei Ayanami, the Eighteenth Angel she created out of pride and misdirected love, shall come for her soul. 

Ritsuko stood up, and turned around to look at the dull NERV logo on the wall above her cot. She curled up her hands into fists and punched it. Repeatedly, until her sore hands could take no more. 

"My hands hurt, Misato." Ritsuko remembered herself complaining once. 

"God, you're a wimp! Come on! At least punch it another ten times!" Misato said as she held the heavy punching bag steady. 

"Well okay…" Ritsuko said, uncertain at first, then launching herself into a fury of heavy, hard punches. 

"Okay, you can stop now" Misato said. 

Ritsuko's normally delicate hands pounded the punching bag again and again. She could feel the pain screaming from her abused knuckles under the padded glove, but she didn't care. 

Mother. Mother. Mother. The word played itself over and over in her head as she entered a kind of bloodlust. 

"Ritsuko, stop!" Misato said again, some alarm in her voice. 

Ritsuko stopped her furious attack, and let her hands fall to her sides. Her hands hurt, but she knew she won't really feel it till much later. There was enough time for her to sneak back and inject some painkiller right into the abused flesh. Science has a way of making everything all right again. 

"That was .. a lot of aggression," Misato commented. 

"I guess I really got into it," Ritsuko replied, smiling. She desperately hoped that Misato couldn't detect its root cause. She wiped the sweat off her brow before speaking again. "Well.. that was interesting, but I have to see Mother now about the MAGI," Ritsuko said. 

"Haha! Still tied to Naoko's apron strings!" teased Misato. 

Ritsuko bit her lip at that stinging remark. "Well, tonight I cut them," she thought. 

"Hey, we're still going bar-crawling later tonight, right?" Misato asked, slightly uncertain. 

"Yes, we are. Don't worry," Ritsuko replied as she got up to leave the NERV gym. Much as she detests tagging along with Misato on her infamous bar crawls, tonight Ritsuko knew she must be seen in public along with her. 

Tonight, her alibi must be perfect. 

The shower was brief, perfunctory. The long walk to her quarters in the Geofront seemed like an eternity by comparison. 

Tonight was the night that she will get what she deserved. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The conversation replayed in memory over and over and over. 

"Hello Rei," 

"Hello mother." 

"I'm not your mother, Rei. Do not refer to me as such again." 

"Yes. I'm sorry" 

"Will you do something for me?" 

"Yes."  


"It's time you talked to Dr. Akagi" 

"I don't understand. Aren't you Dr. Akagi?" 

"The…other one. Do you understand what to do?"

"You want me to talk to her." 

"That's correct." 

"Dr.Akagi, what will I say to her?" 

"Just tell her what we rehearsed." 

"Yes." 

"Doctor?" 

"What is it now, Rei?"

"Why does the commander call her a hag?" 

Ritsuko's eyes narrowed. She pressed the button that opened the door to Ikari's quarters. As usual, he wasn't anywhere to be found, but Rei, his dear little Rei, was always here. 

The open door beckoned. Rei nodded in understanding, and the nine-year old girl cheerfully stepped outside the room. She gave Ritsuko one final look, the question still in her innocent red eyes. 

"Because she is," Ritsuko answered curtly before closing the door. 

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Visitor for you" announced a voice. 

Ritsuko's eyes widened. It couldn't be Gendo again. She was sure that she was out of his mind now. Only the scenario mattered to him, and her part in it had been cruelly erased. 

"Stand back." Ordered the voice, as the door opened. 

It wasn't Gendo that stood in the doorway. Illuminated by the harsh light of the corridor outside was the slim silhouette of a woman. 

"Major" Ritsuko greeted cheerlessly. 

"Close the door please," Misato softly said, followed by the grating sound of the steel door closing. 

"Official tour of the facilities?" Ritsuko asked, with as much venom as she could muster. 

"No. This is my own initiative," answered Misato, as she steeled herself. Ritsuko has always been a wily, crafty woman, the kind that would resist interrogation the most. This could turn unpleasant very quickly. She tried to allay Ritsuko's natural suspicion, and for want of anything else to say, pointed to the lone bronze star on her collar. 

"And by the way, Ritsuko, it's _Colonel _Katsuragi now," Misato said. 

"Congratulations." Ritsuko said. "Was it for putting me in here?" She snidely asked.

"No. Stop blaming me, Ritsuko. What did you expect me to do, just shoot you?" Misato replied, trying to control the dull stab of anger in her heart. 

"If Kaji was still around we could have a small party to celebrate your promotion. Just something between _friends_" 

Misato clenched her teeth at the painful reminder, her self-control fading, her face now turned red in anger. She tossed a paper file besides Ritsuko, who held it up to the dim light so that she can read it. 

"Read it," Misato commanded. 

It was a personnel file, Ritsuko mused to herself, a new Child. 

She wanted so much to say that she didn't know this Child. 

But she knew it all too well. She knew the signs. She saw the telltale red eyes staring back at her from Kaworu Nagisa's photo. 

"The Fifth Child. Sent directly to us, bypassing Marduk." Misato said, her eyes intently scanning Ritsuko's face for any expression that might betray the secrets she knew Ritsuko was hiding from her. 

"That boy… what is he?" Misato asked impatiently. Granted, she had no idea what the strange, quiet boy was, or anything about him at all, other than his birth date. However, what disturbed her the most was the way Shinji and Kaworu got along. The way Shinji warmed up to Kaworu was almost … out of character. 

Misato's discreet inquiries came up blank, and the MAGI knew nothing. The last, desperate move, was to ask Ritsuko. She knew far more secrets than anyone had previously guessed, and the commander and subcommander grew more distant and uncaring by the day, keeping to their own company at all times, whispering furtive conversations that abruptly ended whenever they felt her presence.

"They've probably bugged the entire room." Ritsuko said cautiously. 

"I don't care," Misato answered. 

"That boy… what is he?" Misato asked, insistence and frustration working their way into her voice. 

Ritsuko paused for several seconds. She pondered revealing the information to Misato, and whether it would do any good. This late into the game, what could Misato do? 

Could she stop Gendo? 

The more important question, Ritsuko realised as she stared at her friend's chest heaving up and down with each impatient breath she took, was whether she wanted Misato to be the one to stop Gendo. To take away what he had wanted so desperately all this time. 

She had no right, Ritsuko concluded, as she put the file away besides her. Misato had her reasons, but Misato knew nothing, did nothing, and had no part in working towards the Complementation of Man. 

"I won't let this innocent woman be the one," Ritsuko thought, as she made up her mind. "I'm the one he promised to share godhood with. I'll be the one to take it away from him." 

She refocused her eyes to stare directly into Misato's own. There was that fire in them that burned even before Misato joined NERV, the strength of will and spirit that Ritsuko had always pretended to have, but here was the real thing. And this time, the fire was directed at her. She looked away. 

"I think.. he's the Final Messenger," Ritsuko finally answered. "Chew on that, Katsuragi," Ritsuko thought bitterly. 

Misato's look of disappointment was all Ritsuko needed to know. 

"Why do you still do this?" Misato asked, as she crossed her arms and leaned back against the door. "The game of secrets and lies is over. You've lost." Misato said, her tone flat and businesslike. 

"Perhaps," Ritsuko answered. 

"Stop hiding your secrets, Ritsuko. You've hurt enough people already." Misato said, exasperation creeping into her voice. 

"There's a few more that I want to hurt," Ritsuko answered. 

Misato's eyes narrowed, her patience at its limit. 

"That's your purpose in life, isn't it? To hurt? You told me once, everything you do, everything you say, had a reason. Are you so pathetic that you can't find happiness without taking it from someone?" Misato said in rage. 

"You were my friend once," Ritsuko said, turning away from Misato, to look at the blank wall in the dark room. 

"And did that serve its purpose as well?" Misato asked. 

There was bitter silence for a few seconds as both women stubbornly stared off into nothing, both expecting the other to say something, then came the realisation that the conversation was over, 

Misato snorted and spun on her heels, her fists pounding hard against the thick steel door. 

"Guard! I'm done here," Misato shouted. 

The door opened, Misato stepped out, and Ritsuko was alone again in the dark room. 

Friendless.****

**xxxxxxxxxxx**

Her sleep was interrupted yet again. ****

For the first time since she was imprisoned here, Ritsuko heard laughter and happy voices on the other side of the door. 

It had been.. what, thirty days? Longer, or shorter? Did it matter anymore? 

It mattered little. It had been long enough for Ritsuko to perceive joy, happiness, even the sound of human laughter, to be something alien. She sat impassively as the footsteps approached her door. 

"Hey Akagi! Blondie!" a gruff male voice. It wasn't Gendo. 

"I'm listening," Ritsuko replied, as politely as she could without expressing the contempt she feels for the nameless man's parentage. 

To her surprise, several bars of chocolate and something that smelled like Kirin beer in a plastic cup was pushed through the food slot in her door. 

Ritsuko gasped, this time she really was taken aback. What cruel trick was this?

"Hey come on, Doc. Eat up, make merry and all. It's your share of the victory party goodies!" said the voice on the other side. 

Ritsuko gingerly took the offered goodies. 

"Vic.. Victory party?" she asked, confused. Yet some part of her could already guess what he meant. 

The sound of running feet. Ritsuko guessed that it was a woman. She never really noticed the differences in walking style until her imprisonment. 

"Senpai!!" shouted an exuberant female voice. Maya. 

"Think I can trust you with her?" asked the male voice. 

"Yes, sir!" Maya said. 

"All right then. Too bad you're not joining the party," the male voice said, as his footsteps grew more and more faint. 

"Senpai! It's Ibuki!" Maya said excitedly. 

"Is this from you?" Ritsuko asked, her voice quavering slightly as she picked up and unwrapped a bar of chocolate. ****

**"**I'm sorry, senpai, I know this isn't much…" Maya stammered in apology. 

"Nice to know some things don't change," Ritsuko muttered to herself. ****

"Maya, tell me, what's going on?" Ritsuko asked, in between chewing the delicious chocolate. Her stomach protested the presence of the rich chocolate, and she'll regret eating it later, but right now, she didn't care.

"We beat the Seventeenth Angel," Maya said, beaming on her side of the thick door. 

"All Seventeen?" Ritsuko asked. 

"Yes, Senpai." Maya answered. 

"I suggest you count again," Ritsuko said, finishing the last of the candy bar. She was tempted to lick the wrapper, it felt so good. ****

Maya fell silent. Ritsuko paused. Perhaps, the best thing she could ever do for the poor girl was not to burden her with the knowledge. After all, nobody wanted to be told when they were going to die.

"Thank you Maya. It was .. kind of you to visit," Ritsuko said. Maya recognised her tone of voice, and made her discreet exit. 

The fools think the last Angel had been destroyed. 

Ritsuko knew the truth. The defeat of the Angels will prove once and for all, that Man's true enemy is Man. ****

The true enemy of all that lived, was a girl called Ayanami Rei. ****

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Even from behind the thick steel door, she can hear the announcement over the public address system. The MAGI were being hacked, and the pitiful technicians were probably running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to isolate the attackers. 

It would only be a matter of time before they realised they needed a professional. 

She laughed wicked, bitter laughter. 

The door abruptly opened. Ritsuko turned to the now open door, squinting against the harsh light of the corridor outside. "The 666 protection system, correct?" she asked, the old haughty tone returning briefly. 

"That's correct. Lt. Ibuki will have the details," her jailer said, urgency in his voice. 

  
"So even his discarded woman has her uses. How egotistical," Ritsuko spat the words, even as her body rose up from the hard cot. 

This time, she thought as she made the long walk back the Command Centre, logic be damned. As the technicians opened up the outer cover of the Caspar Magi, she set her vengeance into action. 

She effortlessly did the necessary, entering lines of code, rewiring vital connections, shutting down unnecessary input/output ports, and laying down the framework of the 666 Magi Protection System that she first used against the Eleventh Angel. Her fingers danced effortlessly on the keyboard, but inside, her mind was in turmoil, her heart raced so fast she was convinced that it would burst out of her chest. She had never felt so excited, so empowered and in control. 

She enjoyed the sensations, as her mind focused on the one thing she cared about now. Vengeance. She looked up from the screen, looking at the circuits, organic processing units, wires and power lines that now housed her mother. 

She felt the need to say goodbye. 

"Mother, the interactions between men and women are so illogical," Ritsuko commented as she finished entering in the last of her special routines. ****

"Well, I'll see you later," she said, her right hand brushing against the steel casing that housed the MAGI's organic central processor. This time, she meant it. She had hacked into control systems for the Geofront's main nuclear reactor, setting it to meltdown and destroy everything Gendo had ever dreamed of, along with herself, but the price didn't really matter now. 

There was only one final task left to go. 

In the confusion, nobody noticed Ritsuko slipping away. She caught a glimpse of Maya on the raised control tower as she surreptitiously left. She had been a good adjutant, and the idea of not being able to say goodbye saddened Ritsuko for some reason. She felt like giving her a hug, but there was no time for that. 

Now was the time for Gendo to know what Ritsuko Akagi was capable of. 

In a darkened vault in the lower recesses of Central Dogma, the still form of Ayanami Rei waited in her cloning vat. Her school clothes were neatly folded away. She floated silently in the dim light of the clone tank, surrounded by various body parts. Spare parts from spare bodies, now forever floating, preserved exhibits of Ritsuko Akagi's hate. 

The sound of footsteps above drew her attention, and she spun herself lazily in the LCL, raising her head up, expecting to see Commander Ikari, here at last to take her to her destiny. 

Instead, it was the haggard, scowling face of Doctor Akagi. She was pointing a gun at her. Rei looked on, unconcerned with the obvious threat to her life. Ritsuko stood on the clone tank's edge, looking down on Rei. Ritsuko's lips were trying to maintain a confident sneer, but her eyes were on the verge of tears. 

"You and I are both damned, you do know that, don't you?" Ritsuko asked, holding the gun steadily pointed at Rei's head. She held her gaze, staring right into Rei's red eyes. It was something she had always been reluctant to do until now.

Rei did what she always did. Nothing. Ritsuko's rage railed at her, cursing her, commanding her to pull the trigger, but the remnants of her logical mind still exerted control. There were things she needed to settle with the First Child. 

"Misato just put us on battle stations. The JSSDF are coming. Before they kill us all, the Commander will play his trump card. You. Today is the day we created you for. " Ritsuko said, spitting out the word "Commander". 

"You know what he's planning… don't you?!" accused Ritsuko. 

Rei nodded once. 

"Well I won't let him! This ends here, Ayanami. I probably can't stop him from killing us all, but I will stop him from damning our souls!" Ritsuko shouted, chambering the round in her small pistol. As she did so, her left hand released its grip on the gun, slowly making its way back into her pocket, where she kept the datapad, the instrument of her revenge. 

"I really am sorry for this…" Ritsuko said, her hand trembling as she struggled to steady her weapon. "But I must. Just because it's our destiny to be doomed, doesn't mean we accept it! Your way is wrong!" Ritsuko wiped away an angry tear with her free hand. "You never thought of another way! You never cared for anyone! You don't deserve to be his!" Ritsuko yelled out, almost hysterical. Something within her urged her on, to squeeze the trigger, destroy the last Ayanami clone, and destroy Ikari's dreams.

"Doctor Akagi, you're wrong" Ayanami said softly. Her voice carried faintly in the LCL, but her lip movements were there, and Ritsuko recognised the words. The shock of Rei actually speaking in defence of herself brought Ritsuko back from the edge of madness, allowing her to relax her frenzied grip on the trigger.

"Don't tell me... You think you can stop him? " Ritsuko asked, incredulous. 

She gazed into the First Child's eyes. In a single, brief moment, she saw everything, everything she had ever done, all the pain and hurt and misery she had caused, reflected back at her through Rei's unnatural red eyes. In that brief moment, came understanding. She understood now, that Rei had come to the same conclusion she herself had. It slowly dawned on Ritsuko that Rei knew there was a choice, but the choice would be hers alone. It must be hers alone. 

Ritsuko lowered her gun down. She couldn't bear to kill Rei now, not when the poor child was finally going to become her own person instead of someone else's plaything. Recognising it was motherhood's most painful emotional moment.

However, Ikari still had to be stopped. "Hell has no fury as a woman scorned," Ritsuko silently mouthed to Rei. Her own vengeance notwithstanding, Ayanami will get her chance. 

"I'll see you at Terminal Dogma," Ritsuko finally said, putting the gun back into her coat pocket. "We'll see if we damned women can redeem ourselves." Ritsuko calmly turned around and took steady steps out of the chamber. She then carefully locked the door behind her, ignoring Misato's increasingly frantic commands over the main public address system. The battle fought by the men and women fighting for their lives several floors above her was no longer a concern. She felt no danger, no sense of self-preservation coming to the fore in NERV's desperate last hours.

Ritsuko kept walking towards Terminal Dogma. Death was now welcome, but there was one final confrontation, one final barrier to achieve the salvation of her soul. It was time to prove that damnation was illogical. 

**END.**

**Author's notes: Thank you to fellow authors Kalus, Foxboy, Chibi Fenrir and everyone else who contributed. I'm sorry I didn't credit you guys earlier cause I suck.**


End file.
